Mulder and Scully Meet the Were-Monster: Season 10 Episode 3
Written by Darin Morgan, Directed by Darin Morgan
First aired February 1, 2016

I was a little worried about this episode. Darin Morgan and I have a tempestuous past. I sometimes love him and occasionally hate him. That’s probably an unpopular opinion within The X-Files fandom, but, look. I know he’s a great writer. I just resent it when he gets smug, because I can see right through him. I’ve taken two degrees in English at this point—I’m too old and grumpy for pretentious bullshit. Fortunately for me and for everyone, this episode is brilliant and I fucking loved it.

• So I’m not even going to call them Easter eggs. They’re too sweet. I’m calling them Peanut Butter Meltaways. (If you don’t know what those are, you’ve never been to Pittsburgh/haven’t lived. Google ’em.) First up:
  • As soon as I saw the stoners’ faces I squealed: “That’s never the stoners from season 3?!” But it was. It was them. And they were perfect. Thank you Nicole Parker-Smith and Tyler Labine.
• MULDER STOP HURTING THE POSTER I LOVE YOU
• I did love seeing him rifling through case files; the nostalgia factor was similar to seeing Scully doing an autopsy.
• IT’S SCULLY’S POSTER

• I love the dynamic in the first scene: there’s an underlying humor, but I agree with everyone who said that she’s serious when she asks about the meds.
• If I loved someone who was depressed that’d be a constant background worry for me.
• When the show questions Mulder’s faith in the paranormal, or when Mulder himself questions his faith, it’s usually done in this melodramatic, all-or-nothing fashion. I like that in this episode we have him stepping back and looking at his life without wallowing in despair. I like that he can also see the humor in all of it.
• And I love that Scully is just patiently waiting him out, knowing that he’s having a “questioning phase” but that he’ll come back to himself. And to her.
• I swear Mulder’s heart unwillingly skipped a beat when Scully said the word “monster.”
• I feel a rift in space/time with Mulder doubting, saying it’s more likely that someone got attacked by a bear, mountain lion, and wolves all at once. Also, Mulder you do not want to go out that way, that’s horrifying. Stop it I LOVE YOU.
• You know, the killer and the monster indeed do both have two eyes.
• D.J. Angela Pierce is an absolute delight through this entire scene. Her delivery of “…like a lizard or something” is my favorite line.
• This is Fun, Let Me Ruin it with Feminism
  • Darin Morgan has a history of doing weird/regressive stuff with gender. Having a transgender person talk about transitioning for a joke is not funny. Nor is it okay to reinforce the stereotype of trans women as prostitutes. Old straight cis white dudes need to be careful when writing trans characters. Morgan isn’t careful. He just isn’t.
• Whoa! We are right in Kumail Nanjiani’s face.
• I dunno if this is direction (seems likely) but he plays it a little weird at the start—does the character have a stutter? Everything works best and is funniest when he just says the lines. Especially since he is famous in part for being a fan of the show, I liked it best when I could recognize his voice.
• I love that he just takes off and lets Mulder and Scully face the monster. No shame.
• Guys, Scully is saying “I’m emptying my clip” and Mulder is struggling with his camera. I’m happy.
• Also an anti-gun pacifist probably shouldn’t be so thrilled at Scully threatening to kill something, but…it’s Scully. Anything she shoots deserves it.
• Oh my God that whole exchange about the camera—everything about Mulder’s camera in the whole episode—is fantastic.
• “…go to settings…”
• Scully’s “Mulder?!,” her completely ignoring the other possibly dead person, his immediate “‘Mmokay” upon regaining consciousness, and his goofy grinning at her cuz he got a picture: that alone made the episode awesome.
• “I quit.” I would too. Love that he drops his hat.
• Peanut Butter Meltaway:
  • On 2nd watch you can totally see the ‘monster’ go into the port-a-potty: flukeman reference!
• Mulder bugging Scully during the autopsy: how did I ever live without this episode?
• Peanut Butter Meltaway:
  • Mulder shows Scully useless pictures of a monster, as in Quagmire.
  • Also does she ever perform an autopsy without him bugging her?
• When Scully says that animals don’t shoot blood out of their eyeballs, my knee-jerk reaction (even before Mulder) was “Yes they do!” I had to look that up after reading about a snake in Gillian Anderson’s book that secretes blood from its eyes, nose, and mouth. The Haitian wood snake, I believe. It’s a defense mechanism.
• Peanut Butter Meltaway
  • This one may not have been intentional but the “So we’re looking for…” and then a list of ridiculous qualities reminds me of the police’s ABP in “Clyde Bruckman.”
• Mulder and Scully’s faces during the exchange about how much she’s enjoying herself: ugh. They’re so loving toward each other in that scene. I have crap internet and iTunes won’t let me take screencaps and I don’t wanna illegally download but one day! One day there will be pictures of their faces in this scene on this blog.
• I love Mulder’s expression when Scully says, “Try not to dream of monsters.” It’s kinda layered: Mulder does have bad dreams on the regular. But in that moment I think he’s pretty sure he’ll be dreaming of Scully if he dreams of anything.
• Peanut Butter Meltaway:
  • Hello Alex Diakun! I recongize you from “Humbug,” “Clyde Bruckman,” and “Jose Chung.”
• WTF is he drinking though?! Is that rubbing alcohol? Witch hazel?
• taxidermy = gross gross gross gross
• Mulder, I know how much you love to pocket evidence without gloves, but you are a federal agent. So. Maybe cut that out?
• There are several jackalope references. Dunno what to do with that, but yup. They’re there.
• He’s so calm about the creepy passageway! I’d have lost my shit.
• Mulder if you keep making that face whilst creeping on a sleeping Scully we’re all gonna know you’re in love with her. Oh wait.
• WTF do you mean you’re not reporting him?! You’re gonna let other people sleep in that place?
• I love the creepy manager’s creepy mumbling. And I love that his reaction to Guy’s throwing the chair is raised eyebrows and, “That’s goin’ on his bill.”
• Peanut Butter Meltaway:
  • FFS with the speedo, Mulder, honestly. So silly.
• Peanut Butter Meltaway
  • Mulder debating himself! Oh my God that is the sweetest thing, Mulder walking us through his thought process and showing us how deeply Scully’s in his head, how well he knows her and how much he wants her to agree, how he’s starting to feel willing to believe again my poor heart. (Also, props to Duchovny. Like, that was a lot of words and Dukes had to say it all whilst conveying Mulder’s state of mind and not making it look like he was annoyed by Scully’s skepticism. Good job. Have a peanut butter meltaway; they’re better than cookies.)
  • Scully’s face as she takes all this in, realizing she’s got her Mulder back.
  • “Yup, this is how I like my [NAME]” is the new “I love you.”
  • YOU’RE BATCRAP CRAZY
  • Judge me but I giggled for like 5 years off Mulder’s expression as he said “check out of this motel.”
• This is Fun, Let Me Ruin it with Feminism
  • I don’t like the psychiatrist. Like, not at all. It’s not funny.
  • He calls his clients “patients,” which is a no-no.
  • He refers to people as crazy. I don’t have to explain that do I?
  • He tries to medicate Mulder without knowing anything about him!
  • I’m seriously SO SICK of the vaguely German Freudian psychiatrist.
  • He takes pills???? This is not responsible characterization.
  • I’m more sensitive about this than most, because I have friends who are psychologists and work with very vulnerable people. I’ve also considered becoming a therapist so I know how a lot of this works.
  • I also know that portraying psychology like this reinforces bad stereotypes and makes people hesitate to get help. Not laughing.
• Wait, MULDER is giving SCULLY a hard time for being reckless? Mulder-pumpkin, let’s have a look at your work history, shall we?
• Also Mulder your car is an insult to my sense of aesthetics. Please let me help you.
• Peanut Butter Meltaway:
  • They’re in Oregon! I didn’t realize that until the cemetery scene.
  • I’m so pissed off that Kim Manners died. I know that’s not rational, but I am.
• Mulder talks to quite a lovable monster about life, death, and the human condition. Oh Darin Morgan,I knew you had it in you.
• “Nothing makes sense!”—never a truer bloody word, especially for those who’ve recently lost someone. I know that’s not what Guy means, but given that he and Mulder are standing at the headstones of two people whom The X-Files lost, I think it still applies.
• I love Guy! Seriously, he knocks Mulder over and then asks “are you okay?” with legit concern. Not a monster at all, and still the best monster ever.
• Mulder’s face when Guy throttles him—he looks affectionately annoyed.
• Guy turning human from a human bite is brilliant writing, first of all. Second, I’ve heard that human bites are actually classified as poisonous because human mouths are disgusting cesspools of bacteria. They’re definitely more dangerous infection-wise than some animal bites. Humans are gross.
• I love love love the shot of Guy waking up with the leaves covering his bits and the sudden realization that he’s sentient and naked. It’s very clearly referencing the fall of Adam and Eve, but is it weird that I see a bit of Mary Shelley in there too? Because Guy Mann is a human-created monster, who is more human than the monster who created him? Hold on, I need to go away and have a cuppa and think about that for a while.
• Okay I’m back I love Guy.
• Mulder keeps wanting it get monstrous! But nope, poor Guy just needs someone to talk to.
• Gigaberts of pixlebits!! You can see by the shape that it’s quite rectangular…
• I also love Rhys Darby.
• “I don’t understand half the things I’m telling you.” I sympathize.
• “No one likes insects, not even other insects.” Mulder’s face though.
• Okay I LOVE DAGOO. Seriously how could you not love a dog that cuddles indiscriminately with humans and giant lizards? That scene of them playing and Dagoo licking lizard-Guy’s face melted my frostbitten heart.
• “This life is hopeless”-how I feel when I’ve lost a pet.
• Dukes’ delivery of “Dagoo?!” is ridiculous and completely out of character and I love it madly.
• This is Fun, Let Me Ruin it with Feminism:
  • MORGAN. STOP WRITING ABOUT TRANSGENDER ISSUES.
  • (It’s not as bad as I worried it would be, and Mulder does say a few of the right things when he can get words in edgewise, but that doesn’t make it okay.)
• I like the winking at the audience re: internal vs external logic. There is no logic! Just relax and enjoy the ride.
• This is Fun, Let Me Ruin it with Feminism:
  • I’m irritated with the way Morgan sexualized Scully.
  • I can see that the revival is trying to address sexuality in a way the original run and movies didn’t (having Glen Morgan executive produce may be part of that).
  • I’m not saying it isn’t funny; it is. I’m not saying Scully can’t be sexual or shouldn’t be sexual. She can and she should be sexual (or refrain) in whatever ways feel right to her.
  • The problem is that it’s jarring and doesn’t really work within the universe of the show. And I don’t like Scully being gratuitously sexualized, especially since she’s being lied about by someone who doesn’t know her.
  • Now I know how people who don’t like the mosquito scene in the pilot feel.
• Talking about Shakespeare yay! I like that they discuss the 1st folio “our” philosophy, which is now the accepted version according to my fancy Oxford/Norton Shakespeare.
• Let’s talk about Scully stealing a dog after it bit her. I don’t even know what to do with that, but it’s fantastic.
• Okay Nanjiani really looks like a serial killer here. He did a great job in this role.
• Also Scully, dogs don’t hold grudges. People hold grudges and dogs sense your grudges. Also as Amy points out, Mulder will be happy to hold your grudges for you.
• “You forget, I’m immortal.” Morgan you fire-feeder. He’s been a troll about this theory in the past, so I’m not really surprised.
• I hope Guy stays himself.
• This was one of only two “I want to believe” deliveries that doesn’t irritate me; “Beyond the Sea” has the other one.
• “I don’t mean to get too personal,” says the naked guy. Mulder gives his naked body a once-over and shrugs. Seems like a reasonable response.
• Guy’s speech about being glad to have met Mulder is truly touching and honest. If I had some supernatural shit happening to me I’d have been glad to meet Mulder too.
• …Likewise!! Mulder’s face makes even some of the shit in “My Struggle” worth going through.
• I think we’re all happy to have met Guy.